Well, it’s been an obscene number of weeks between posts – apologies. I’ve kind of fallen down the rabbit hole of work, kids, husband-on-annual-leave, acreage maintenance, and watching Married At First Sight/House Rules/The Voice. I know you understand.

But I’ve definitely come across a few lust-haves of late. So as my over-sharing gene kicks into gear, I’m gonna to reveal them to you!

Screen Shot 2015-06-17 at 12.45.45 pm

That middle cross ring. Yeah, that one. LOVE. I have a real affinity for fine, personal jewellery, and this little Boho Luxe Cross Ring from Secrets Shhh is so on-trend and only $45! Loving the idea of stacking. It’s on the to-do list.

My other pick of the Secrets Shhh bunch is this one: The Boho Luxe Crown Ring ($81). FYI, this place is totally like an Aladdin’s cave for chicks, chockers with affordable, guilt-free luxuries for us to indulge in. Me likey. (Meanwhile, excuse the terrible photo of my man-hands.)


Next little find for this month is the Kmart LED wall arrow. It’s $9. Seriously, take my money. I am planning a room makeover for Remy’s 6th birthday, so I am carefully curating a few pieces with some WOW factor. Love this. Might even buy two. Because symmetry.

wall LED arrow

Next on the list is this Target Runway to Rack cut out skirt ($89). How pretty is this? Crushing on the scalloped edges and peekaboo laser-cut feature. The longer length is making a comeback this season, just sayin’. This could be the clothing equivalent of eggs = VERY VERSATILE.

Screen Shot 2015-06-17 at 1.07.01 pm

And last but not least, feast your eyes on this arm candy. No, it’s not Channing and his power tools, but rather the Kesa Kulta clutch ($69). I’ve been a long time admirer of this local clutch designer. The use of texture and colour is breathtaking, isn’t it? The perfect statement piece for the warmer months. In fact, you could be wearing a sack of potatoes, but with this baby tucked under your arm, you’re going NEXT LEVEL. Legit.



That’s it for now! See you all soon!





Ok team, you’ve been asking for this post for longer than I’ve been a Madonna fan. Which is saying a lot. Because #coneboobs4eva.

So it seems you’ve all been wanting to know about my skincare regime! You curious little meerkats!

Well firstly, I’m totally, utterly flattered. Secondly, Maybe it Maybelise. (totally had to go there – sozzles)

Ok, jokes aside, here are my skin-stats, peeps:

  • 35 years of age. *THUMP * Oh, excuse me, I just fell off my chair.
  • 2 kids. (Mum and Dad, if you’re reading this, both were immaculate conceptions. Cross my heart.)
  • Lacking sleep since 2009. Like every other parent in the world.
  • Dry skin, not unlike a swampish reptile.(Ok, not quite that bad, but it can feel itchy, tight and flakey, especially during the winter months. Sexy).
  • Redness in areas – They don’t call me Rudolph for nothin’. My shnoz-zone has always been quite scarlet in colour. On the bright side, it’s rather festive, come Christmas.
  • Plump, dewey and ‘fresh’ seem to be OUT.
  • Fine lines and blotchy skin tone are well and truly IN.

Wow, I’m really selling myself aren’t I? Anyone want to hand me a beauty contract? Anyone? Coooooo-eeeeeeeeeee?


Oh how I recall with fondness the good ‘ol days in my 20s, when I could get away with slapping on some grocery-store-brand moisturiser, a few lashings of mascara and WALA, out the door I would prance, feeling gorge and ready to take on Student-Night-$5-Cocktail-Jugs at City Rowers, like a boss.

Now? Not so much. There’s been an overall dull, drawn and tired look taking hold, one that is rather displeasing and has made me want to stab myself in the sternum with a butter knife. Or maybe that’s just indigestion from too many Cadbury Favourites while watching Married At First Sight. #guiltyascharged

But Dear God, NO LONGER! Sayonara sad skin!

I have landed upon THE most brilliant of products that has transformed the look and feel of my skin, entirely!

Put it this way — I recently worked with a makeup artist that I hadn’t seen since October last year. He took one look at me a few weeks ago and said, “Ok, what’s happened? What are you using? Who are you? Where can I get some?”

I have never elicited such a reaction from someone, let alone a pro! I hugged him and we dance the do-si-do, as you do…

So without further ado, I introduce you to my new lover — Luminesce cellular rejuvenation serum.


I love you to the moon and back…


Look, I’m no scientist, but the long and the short of it is that this precious little anti-aging serum is derived from adult stem cells that contain over 200 key human growth factors. And from what I gather, stem cells are basically the fountain of youth. BINGO, BEESHES! So in a nutshell, the serum helps heal your cells and slow down the ageing process, repairing and regenerating tissue as it goes. Oh and it’s all natural, hypoallergenic, and paraben free.

As I said, i’m no expert, but about 3 weeks after using the serum, this is what I (and others) noticed:

  • A certain brightness and youthful luminosity to my skin. Welcome back, glow!
  • Plump and dewey skin returning. God I FREAKING LOVE those words!
  • Uneveness and blotchiness decreasing.
  • Pigmentation on my top-lip didn’t seem as pronounced.
  • Fine lines and wrinkles were minimised.
  • Firmer and fresher. Word porn, right there.

I use my serum twice a day, morning and night, after cleansing.One pumpity-pump each time. Although sometimes I get greedy and double-squirt for extra neck and décolletage lovin’. I’m telling you, I’m like a woman possessed.

Of course, I’ve now graduated to using the cleanser, the day moisturiser and the night moisturiser. Because they all support one another and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to capitalise on this goodness x 4!

So here’s the 4-1-1 on my daily skin routine:




  • Exfoliate/scrub (currently using a generic supermarket brand)


So there you have it, team! My absolute GO-TO products that have, honest to goodness, changed my skin from ageing to RAGING! (raging as in awesome….the rhyme was simply too good to pass up…)

But be warned. Once you start using this serum, you may experience mild to moderate anxiety upon approaching the end of the pump bottle. This may develop into bitchiness, snappiness and shakiness, until a new bottle is delivered to your door. The Spouse has started saying, “Is it SERUM time of the month again?”

Yes, honey it is. Mama needs her juice. NOW!

(*Shop my products here - and thank me later! Don’t forget to select your country in the drop-down menu at the top right hand corner of the PRODUCTS PAGE.)

Yours in beautiful skin,




Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, there’s something you should know…This kick-ass post was in collaboration with PITCHI. Read on because it’s going to blow your mind. Kind of like a Nutella croissant…

So the other day, I was minding my own business, planting bromeliads in my newly mulched garden and wanting to punch myself in the funny bone for being soooooo mid-30s and BORING, when suddenly, I heard a *ping* on my iphone…and what happened next made me kick the nearest brom over the fence and reclaim my street cred. True story. Bromeliad abuse and all.

Behold PITCHI.

At first, I thought Pitchi was something that might happen to a man when he sees an attractive woman. But after removing my mind from the gutter and digging a little deeper, I discovered that Pitchi is an innovative online video selling platform, designed to help people buy and sell online in the most personal, engaging and interactive way.

Forget eBay, forget Gumtree – listing items for sale with words and photos is soooooo last season, folks. Pitchi is all about young, innovative Australian designers and entrepreneurs pitching their wares through the use of video. It is video selling at its best and it’s so darn fresh, I need mittens and a woollen jumper whenever I think about it.

So if you fancy yourself as a bit of a finger-on-the-pulse know it all, OR you want some really good fodder for water cooler convos at work, OR you want to find the latest and greatest cutting edge products OR you’re a smarty-pants entrepreneur with an innovative product, then Pitchi is going to be your new BFF.

Here are my TOP THREE PITCHI VIDEOS that got me super excited about life in general:

1. The Lotus Belle. Imagine rocking up to a festival in one of these bad boys. Or how about champagne with girlfriends in the backyard even?

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 5.30.03 pm

2. Orbitkey. Dudes would love this. Heck, I would love this. On my list for Father’s Day.
Screen Shot 2015-04-21 at 8.17.53 pm
3. Nespresso Pod Fridge Magnet. Because coffee. Because genius.
Screen Shot 2015-04-21 at 8.23.58 pm


How awesome, right? I am still buzzing about how this new platform will inspire and celebrate a new generation of Aussie thinkers and dreamers. I can feel it in me waters! GO TEAM ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT!

Seriously, I could spend hours just trawling through all of these cool vids. Stuff meditation, stuff yoga, stuff the laundry, stuff the washing up. This is going to be my thing from now on…Pitchi stalking….

Which is your favourite Pitchi video?

Are you an entrepreneur that could Pitchi your way to success?

How cool is the word Pitchi?



MUST-HAVE: The Military Jacket

Are you looking for a way to pump up the hipster factor in your wardrobe? Amp up the cool? Chanel ‘effortless chic’ like a mo-fo?

Look no further.

The Military Jacket is it. Take my word for it. I once wore mine over trackies and a pj top and the 22 year old scenesters at the local cafe went ape-shit. In a good way.

But if public-pyjama-wearing isn’t really your thing, here are few ways of wearing one of my fave all-rounders:


Denim cut-offs + graphic tee + military jacket. Swap the heels out for cute sneakers or loafers.                              Because reality.


Olivia Palermo. The woman can do no wrong, except perhaps for her choice of coffee. (Starchucks, me no likey.) Skinny denim + ballet flats + white singlet + military jacket. Style Hi-5s all round, Livvy.


Love this hard. Leather pants + grey marle tee + metallic clutch + military jacket + pop of flamin’ reflective Wayfarer sunnies. Luxe meets cool.


For the girly-girls. Classic, uber-feminine styling with a twist of Lance Corporal ‘Hottie’.


Minimalist chic. So french. A combo of great wardrobe basics. I want a baguette, s’il vous plait.


And the piece de resistance, Miranda. Ankle boots + pencil skirt + printed blouse + military jacket + red lip. She really did fall out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, didn’t she?

So there you have it, re:MY Stylers. A relatively inexpensive piece of clothing that can be found at most chain stores but that can really shake things up in the style department.

Would you or wouldn’t you?

Fave look?

Are you Team Olivia or Team Miranda?



White Jeans for Winter – I say YES!

If you’re anything like me, you like your clothing to go the extra mile. Bang for your buck. Cost per wear. She works hard for the money. Werk it, beeeessshh! Yada yada yada. You get the drift….Now, pass me another Easter egg.

So, I’m on a mission to wear my fave white skinny jeans well into the winter months. Why the hell not? We don’t live in the US over here, so that ‘No White After Labour Day’ rule is about as useless as Osher in The Bachelor.

Need inspo? Here’s how I’m planning on doing it…


If only The Spouse owned a gorgeous, chunky grey knit, I would totally be stealing it out from under him.             Oversized cable is KING.


Karolina K, showing us how to rock the dreamy blush + white palette. And the killer shades and moody manicure add to the annoying perfection.


Black + white. If you feared looking like a waiter, think again. Layer a chic black knit with a blazer.                            Giant skivvy/turtle neck – Optional. Attitude – Essential.


Varying shades of white + sneaks. Ballsy with kids, but I’m nothing but brave.


Stripes + classic trench + animal print. So easy to Single-White-Female this look. Leave the stiletto-slaying and                          dog-throwing urges at home, please.


Ankle booties + marl grey v-neck tee + ol’ faithful denim jacket. Love me a man-size watch and fine jewellery to finish off the look. Another easy one to replicate.

Which is your fave look?
Would you or wouldn’t you?
Shall we have another Easter egg?



Today was a first for me. I had my car professionally detailed. Yes folks, I paid good money to outsource the cleaning of my car to two innocent souls.

I pray they were immunised. Because CESSPOOL.

The state of my vehicle is something I’m not proud of, although you would think I’b be accustomed to it, seeing it’s been this way since I obtained my P Plates way back in 1997. Congratulations, you’ve just figured out my age. You obviously did Maths C. But are you a champion car-pig like I am? DOUBT IT.

You see, my car is the equivalent of a Mums-Gone-Wild weekend with the girls and then a Madonna song starts playing at the club. Yep. Shit get cray.

And here’s why. Here is the rationale I provide my long-suffering husband, who silently dry-retches whenever he sets foot in my car.

MY LIFE IS SPENT CLEANING. I cull and wipe and re-arrange and vacuum and bleach and mop and file and wash and disinfect like Martha Stewart on ‘roids. It’s part of my DNA. My mother used to vacuum our large, white cat every Saturday morning. I rest my case.

So the only place I feel I can rebel from cleaning, throw caution (and banana peels) to the wind, burn my (vehicular) bra is…MY CAR.


Whoever wrote this is my spirit animal.


Within the four filthy doors of my 4×4, my strict rules of cleanliness simply don’t apply. In fact, I break ALL of them in any given 10 kilometre stretch of road. I actually wave to Bikies, Tay-Tay Swift blaring on the radio, as I wipe my greasy hands all over the window. Yup, I’m totally one of them. Utterly law-less. Bad Rav-4 bitch. I’m a frigging disgrace, I know. *hangs head in shame*

I can’t even blame the kids. Although they certainly haven’t helped the situation. So these days, my car is a gravesite for:

  • empty takeaway coffee cups
  • coconut water cans
  • hair ties
  • rogue lipsticks
  • shoes
  • receipts
  • packets of almonds
  • disposable forks
  • lid-less paw-paw creams


  • sultanas
  • sultanas
  • sultanas
  • arrowroots
  • cruskits
  • Optimus Prime parts
  • drink bottles
  • sand
  • pine bark
  • pretzels
  • baby wipes
  • anti-bacterial gel (fat lot of good that does)
  • and more sultanas. ALL OF THE SULTANAS.

Now I realise the title of this post is 5 TIPS ON HOW TO KEEP YOUR CAR CLEAN. So here’s my confession. That was total click-bate, because I’ve got nothing to offer you other than this one tip:

  1. When your children start saying, “Mum, something smells really bad in here”, or you avoid opening the car doors properly for fear of total strangers seeing the inside of your car, or your friend sits awkwardly perched on the front passenger seat, eyes wide, repeating, “It’s fine, no really, it’s totally fine”, or you have to say to your mum, “let me just move that browning banana skin from beneath your Italian loafers”….it may be time to drive to the car wash, people.

I attempted to do it myself, I really did. I inserted my $3 into the DIY turbo vacuum at the local servo………….It cried and then died a slow, painful death, choking on small goods and half of King’s beach. RIP turbo vacuum hose.

So there you have it, dear readers, my dirty (and I mean DIRTY) little secret.

Tell me I’m not alone?





Lise X Louenhide – The re:MY Style Autumn Edit



Like the vast majority of bloggers, I have, for quite some time, been living in a land of semi-dodgy iphone photos, ergonomically incorrect poses, unfortunate angles, and the abomination that is the Selfie Stick. Yes, I went there for a few days, dear readers, until the holder thingy swung around mid-pic, hurling my iphone5 onto my face. The very thought of explaining to someone how I had sustained minor facial injuries was enough to make me want to punch myself in the funny bone. So I shelved the Selfie Stick, and Remy and Maxi now use it as a jousting weapon. All is well with the world.

So imagine my elation when Louenhide called and said they wanted to do a real, live blogger shoot with me. You mean a real photographer snapping pics while I swan around pretending to look important? SIGN ME UP AND TAKE MY THIRD BORN. (Easy negotiation, as this Baby-Shop ship has sailed. Closed for business and firmly barricaded, in fact).

I’ve been a long-time fan of Louenhide’s stylish yet accessible range of handbags, clutches, wallets, shoes, sunnies, and accessories. Really, is there anything they don’t do? (Maybe they do a functional Selfie Stick. Must investigate…) And now they have added CLOTHING to their repertoire of awesomeness. A lovely range of silk, chiffon, rayon, and cotton pieces to take the Louenhide woman from everyday chic to special occasional glam, and I had the opportunity to flounce around in three of their new collection pieces. Totes winning. And I even got to sip on a coffee during the whole thing. Mama Lotto win right there.

And now, without further ado, my blogger photoshoot debut and my LOUENHIDE AUTUMN ’15 EDIT!


An LBD for everyone, this classic black dress is super versatile and perfect to dress up or down. Roomy yet flattering, this is a dress you can enjoy lunch in, if you know what I mean. Add a pop of colour with a head-turning handbag, like this one, and layer your look with on-trend accessories. Loving those stackable rings. Hard.

 (Fleur dress ($129.95); Baby Tessa bag ($99.95); Evette sunglasses ($49.95) Liddy & Tilda necklaces ($39.95);       Vera rings ($39.95 each))


A jumpsuit is a WOW substitute to a dress or trousers, so get in the right headspace, be brave and own it! It all comes down to fit, cut and fabric, and Louenhide have kicked all of these goals, like David Posh Beckham. Oh, and the heels and bag are everything…

(Georgina jumpsuit ($149.95); Lexie bag – genuine leather ($249.95); Stella heels ($89.95))


Who says silk and sneakers don’t mix? I love teaming my Converse sneakers with just about anything, and this silk dress is no exception. I love the contrast of classic and street. Teamed with a killer handbag, a red lip and some big sunnies, this is a winning combo in my book.

(Fleur silk dress ($289.95); Vivi bag (black/patent $349.95))

Now here’s the GREAT news, re:MY Stylers! Louenhide are giving you 20% of all products featured in my blogger photo shoot. Simply enter REMYSTYLE20 at the checkout to redeem your fabo discount. Go go GO!

And don’t forget to tell me what you bought! Because I love nothing more than living vicariously through other people’s purchases. I know. It’s a gift;)


re:MY Style FINDS…

Well, it’s official. Autumn Winter fashion is well and truly upon us. Forget the fact that it’s still as hot as Hades outside, here in Queensland. Let’s just ignore that, shall we? Because, what’s important is the fact that I’m totally over my maxi dresses, sandals and singlets. I’m ready to break up with them and start seeing big, chunky cable knits, motorcycle boots and skinny jeans. #fashionfloozy #sorrynotsorry

So when The Myer Centre invited me to fall in love with their new autumn fashion, I was there faster than you can say “Shopping Spree”. Because female.

So here you go, re:MY Stylers – Behold my Myer Centre Haul Of Great Autumnal Wardrobe Updates! From gold-rimmed sunnies to over-the-knee boots, I’m seriously IN LOVE with all of these pieces. The Spouse should be worried. Veeeerrrry worried….

So come on Autumn, come on Winter, bring your A-game! I’m ready for you!


This scarf is everything! Love the pop of lemon. Big enough to have a picnic on. Double points! $30 from Target.


Jeans West have seduced me with their new Prima collection denim. I’d heard amazing rumours about the fit and feel of these jeans, and for the love of lower temps, the rumours are true! ALL TRUE!                                     They come in long length, 7/8th, dark wash, vintage wash and Curve Embracer. Paired with this leopard print v-neck knit, I am loving the casual simplicity of this outfit. LOVING! (Jeans $120; Knit $69.99)  


Continuing on with my animal obsession, this long-sleeved shirt dress from Bardot stole my heart. It has a slight split up the side, thank you very much, but a super clever sewn in slip to prevent any Linsay Lohan-esque mishaps. Team them with these killer tan lace up heels, also from Bardot. HAWT! (Dress $129.95; Shoes $149.95; Leather belt $49.95)


Felt. It’s happening. How fab is this lilac felt floppy from Myer Miss Shop? The perfect shade of styling’. $39.95.


This may just be my favourite autumn look from Bardot. Grey is the new black and my new wintery BFF. And those boots? Over the knee, let me at you! I shall call them “The Husband Shockers”. (Leather boots $299.95; Long line grey vest $99.95; Funnel knit vest $89.95; Jeans $139.95) 


Sunnies with ‘tude. Like a certain 5 year old I know….Funk up those cold and dreary days to come with a pair of these gold-rimmed babies from Adorne. $29.95


How GORGE is this pale blush lace insert top from Target‘s new Yours Sincerely collection? Elegance on a hanger. No time to try it on (crying shame, I know) but believe me when I tell you that this blouse has 0% chance of staying on the shop floor. I WILL BE BACK TO HUNT YOU DOWN, PINKY! $79.


Effortless day-to-day outfit from Just Jeans, with key elements that will mix and match like pros. This is my kind of ensemble! These pieces will be on high rotation in my autumn wardrobe. Kind of like Nutella in my pantry. (Jumper $69.95; Striped top $29.95; Lee Riders Bumster Vegas jeans $89.94; Boots $59.95) 


Oh how I love a top that covers the crotchal region! So hard to find, but this grey marle beauty from Sussan is the ultimate in crotchal-region-covering. Perfect to go over these awesomely sleek and comfortable leather-look ponte pants/leggings, also from the good people at Susssan. (Top $79.95; Pants $79.95)


Cutie patootie motorcycle booties from Target. (Just call me Dr Seuss) $59

And that’s a wrap!

So tell me…What was your favourite piece from my epic Myer Centre haul?



I don’t know about you, but I’m all for a wardrobe update that doesn’t require a second mortgage. Needless to say, so is The Spouse. And although it’s still sweltering here in Queensland, I can smell the cooler months just around the corner (or is that just Maxi’s nappy? #mumlife #canshit), which means that I’m on the prowl for some light-weight and layer-able jackets that don’t cost the earth.


It’s as old as time and there’s a reason it keeps making a comeback, a la bad cold sore. It’s just so damn versatile and, more often than not, you won’t need to drop more than a hunjy for one. Over dresses, with sneakers, with killer pumps, with slouchy pants, sports-chic, casual-chic, classic-chic, you name it, it can do it!


  1. Consider it a neutral – It will go with just about anything. Kind of like mayonnaise.
  2. Add a bold, printed scarf as the weather crisps up. This jacket was born for layering.
  3. Wear a casual graphic tee under it and channel your inner hipster.
  4. Go head-to-toe black and then bring in the Denim Jacket as your coup d’etat to add an unexpected touch of texture, dimension and cool to your ensemble. Fool proof styling right there.
  5. Play with cuffing, rolling and joujing the sleeves to reveal a cool watch or some stacked bangles.
  6. Sandals, sneakers, sky-high pumps – The DJ does not discriminate. Experiment with different footwear and witness the style mileage you can get out of this baby. From school drop-offs to date nights to Sunday brunches with the girls. Oh the places you will go!

So without further ado, re:MY Stylers, here is some D-J Inspo for the coming season…
















denim7 denim6

Which look are you coveting?

Do you own a Denim Jacket?

Are you already online shopping as I type?




Something a lot of you may not know about me is that I have suffered from insomnia on and off for a solid ten years. Nothing like Christian Bale in the “Machinist”, heavens no, but still, she’s a feral, nasty, bitter mole, that Lady Insomnia. The kind of wench you want to spill a drink or 234 on.

It all started when I moved home to Brisbane from New York City, having lived there for three years for work. It was following a bad break-up, with my anxiety and stress levels higher than the Empire State Building. I think I was sculling vials of Rescue Remedy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Models diet, right there. I’m hungry just thinking about it.

Perhaps it was the break-up, perhaps it was leaving behind the nocturnal noises of NYC that had previously lulled me to sleep, perhaps it was the apprehension of starting a new life back home in Australia. Either way, I quickly realised that my inability to fall asleep was due to ANXIETY. And not being able to fall asleep, in turn, made me anxious – And so the devilish vicious cycle continued. It was not unusual for me to take 3 to 4 hours to fall asleep some nights. Heinous. I would sometimes take myself off to bed at 7:30pm in a desperate attempt to fall asleep before midnight. There were many nights where I cried myself to sleep out of sheer frustration. Boo to the hoo.

It wasn’t every night. It would come in bouts. Often surrounding stressful events.

In 2011 I was blind-sided by a missed-miscarriage at 13 weeks. Millions of women suffer much, much worse, but this event sent me spiralling into a deeper, more intense insomnia. Bone tired, crying most days, with a two year old in tow (Remy), my body and soul raw from recent events. Head case. And so, a friend suggested calling an emergency session with her acupuncturist. So I did. Because desperate.

Other than needling me to within an inch of my life (I love it), what this therapist gave me were some AMAZING STRATEGIES to manage sleeplessness. Even now, there are numerous times throughout the year where I can feel Miss Insomnia rearing her fugly head. It may be hormonal, it may be kid-stress, or it may just be life. But with these tips, I now have a sense of control and calm surrounding my slumber because I know I can kick insomnia in the teeth, pronto! TAKE THAT, BEESH!

So here they are. From me to you. Because I know I’m not alone, right?

1/ SOCKS ON FEET – Unless it’s 40 degrees out, go to your sock drawer and slip a pair of these puppies on your hooves. The theory is that our brain/body won’t relax, or will be awoken, if any part of the bod is even slightly cold. You may not feel cold at all. But chances are your feet are. Just do it. It works.

2/ REPOSITION YOUR BED – I’ve never been into Feng Shui, but the principle here works a treat. Our bed had previously been positioned in a way where my feet were pointing towards a door. To make a long story short, your energy flows out of your feet, or something like that, and there’s a sense of ‘insecurity’ that is felt when your foot-energy shoots out a door. I am sure a Feng Shui specialist wants to slit my throat right about now for butchering that theory. In a nutshell, flip the boudoir around and give it a go. You want to create a safe cocoon. Just do it. It works.

3/ LIGHT AND SOUND – Where possible, black out your room and close the door. Stuff towels under doors if you need to. At the height of my insomnia, even a single stream of diffused light would be enough to send me to the loony bin. If you can’t black things out, try building a fort around your head with pillows. I’m not even kidding. Create a barrier around you. Do it. It works.

4/ EARPLUGS – Let me tell you what’s sexy. Your wife snoozing away with fluorescent yellow ear plugs sticking out of her head. It’s something The Spouse must endure every.single.night. I go NOWHERE without my earplugs, y’all. I have packed them camping, for sleepovers at friends, I have a pair at my sister’s house and my parents’ house. It’s an addiction and my family are my enablers. Happily. The Spouse even buys them for me wherever he goes. Saaaa romantic. These spongey babies are my lifeline to a good night’s sleep. They help me quiet my mind and zone the f&*ck out. They are my sanity. Buy them tomorrow. Best tip ever.

5/ NO SUGAR AFTER 7:30pm – This is as fun as a pap smear on your birthday. But it helps so much. I sometimes think I have my sleep under control, and so I decide to scoff half a block of Fruit & Nut at 9pm in front of CSI. Big mistake. Same goes for alcohol. Again, this isn’t all the time, but if you’re in a foul period of sleeplessness, alcohol is basically sugar, which means you’ll be Christian Bale-Cray-Cray at 1am in no time….

6/ MAGNESIUM – I should take this much more regularly than I do, but Magnesium is the cats pyjamas when it comes to sleep and muscular relaxation. Or so I’ve learned. You can get it in powder form that you mix into a drink. Or regular gel capsules. Whatever floats your boat. Do it.

7/ RESCUE REMEDY/STRESS POTION – As previously mentioned, the occasional tipple of RR or another equivalent witchy potion always works wonders for me at bed time. I mostly think it acts as a placebo effect, whereby the simple act of taking it, makes me relax instantly. Again, I don’t require this every night, only during shady sleep bouts.

So there you have it, re:MY Stylers! Totally un-fashion related, un-kid related, but I just thought I would share.

Yours in SLEEP!